once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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