so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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