just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
