He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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