i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
