So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
