those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
God I need to hump something, right now.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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