I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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