I heard we made out
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
