Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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