Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
