I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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