he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
