I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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