Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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