dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
