Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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