dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
two words: eviction party
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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