Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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