ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Found your dick twin last night
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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