In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
