Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
