This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
