I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
if only i could text you this smell
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
