i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
