seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
