I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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