At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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