obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Alive.
So much puke
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
