May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
