Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You may now shotgun with the bride
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
