fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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