Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
