Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
