The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
There are leaves in my underwear?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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