dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
literally had 100 drinks last night.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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