Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
