The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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