this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
