I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
