well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
