please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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