If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
