I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
