i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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