she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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