just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
