I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
