dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He kissed a someone with a penis
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
