The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
