How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
