and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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