I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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